My Only Way To Feel
by x3heartsx3
Summary: Life had them destined to be lovers, to be soulmates, and so maybe fate really wasn’t all that twisted, and maybe, just maybe, there was a reason their lives were so screwed up. TxG oneshot.


AN: Soo I was listening to Boys Like Girls, big fan since like years ago haha, and heard this song, got inspired, and decided to write a oneshot. I dunno how this will turn out, but hopefull you all enjoy it! The song is titled The Only Way That I Know How To Feel, its off their unreleased album, Heavy Hearts, at least I think it is haha xD. Go check it out on youtube! OH and this one shot isn't directly based off the song, so parts of it might not tie into the song, I just got the idea from it. Theres like one curse word just a warning.

Disclaimer:I think its obvious that I don't own High School Musical, or its characters etc etc. Nor do I own the song by Boys Like Girls, sadly.

* * *

_Before you let me fall  
Kill me so I don't feel it at all  
Push my body up against the wall  
And pick your poison  
Cause everything feels wrong  
And I don't know where I belong_

Gabriella Montez had always been one known to keep her composure, to be the strong one, her barriers never faltered. She was the rock everyone leaned on. She was strong, emotionally, and everyone knew that. She was stunning, physically, and everyone knew that. She was numb and scarred, emotionally and physically, and no one knew that. Gabriella was not the innocent, happy go lucky teen that many people had pegged her as. She'd always felt as though these people put her upon some pedastol, they admired her for her braveness, her strength, and her ability to be anyone's friend at a time of need, her innocence. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't as perfect as everyone believed? No, not one person ever did, that is until she met _him_.

18 year old Gabriella had a past before coming to East High, a past that no one ever knew of. She came to Albuquerque to start over, to start new, to escape. She had lived in the busy city of New York, Times Square to be exact, quite the contrast to her current location. She wanted this though, to be in a place that reminded her of nothing from her prior life. Two years ago, there had been an incident in New York. An incident which had cost her the lives of both parents, and had marked her with a nasty scar almost as if to mock her, to provide an evil reminder of her history. His name was Alex, and he was the source of Gabriella's pain, the cause of her unhappiness. How was she supposed to know of his mental disorder going into the relationship, when he had completely fooled her from day one? There had been a slight disagreement between her and Alex, over something so small, so petty, and so ridiculous. Little did she know that this disagreement would almost cost her her life, and would take the lives of her parents. Not only did he have a mental problem, but an unknown deathly temperament as well.

There had been gunshots, many of them. Gabriella and her family had gone out to celebrate her parents' 25th wedding anniversary, and upon entrance to their loft, Alex had opened fire. He was in no right state of mind, his temperament and mental issues clouded his rational side. Both her parents had ended up in the hospital, 3 bullets in each one, both died hours after admittance from too much blood loss. The doctors said Gabriella was lucky to only have been wounded with one, but she thought otherwise, what did she do to deserve this? Alex of course was taken in to custody, he had many charges against him, and he was brought to a psychiatric ward. To say he was pissed at Gabriella would have been an understatement, and it was all over something so petty, so small, and so ridiculous.

_Take me for granted  
Make me feel used  
Leave me in pieces  
Misery is company  
Cause I know that it's real  
I've learned to love the pain  
Cause that's the only way that I know how to feel_

Gabriella had no one to turn to, she didn't have any other family, and no real friends. That's what you get when you live in such a heartless and busy city such as New York. She vowed that she'd always be there for anyone who needed her, she knew the feeling of having no support system and did not wish it upon anyone. And so at the age of 16, Gabriella was emancipated, she lived on her own, and through inheritance, was able to provide for herself without a paying job. At 17, she was vulnerable, and he was there. Her judgment had been slightly off, but she didn't know that, she had just lost her parents, and was living alone in New York at such a young age. She was very, very vulnerable. She had no idea that this would be her second failed relationship. His name was Jorge, and he was another source of Gabriella's pain, another cause of her unhappiness. Not even a week after their relationship, he had become possessive, jealous, and the complete opposite of what she thought was a nice friendly, and supportive boyfriend, She found that he was a drug user as well. He took her for granted, used her, and soon it turned into abuse. Abuse caused by drugs clouding Jorge's rational side, just as temperament and mental issues had clouded Alex's. She had turned numb the moment her parents had died, and when Jorge began to abuse her, she felt as though it was the only way she knew she was truly living. Pain, it was her only source of feeling. Her parents dying caused her pain, her ex boyfriend Alex had caused her pain, Jorge had caused her pain, _life_ had caused her pain. Nothing seemed to be able to bring her happiness and that joyful feeling. Nothing until she met _him_.

Two weeks into the abusive relationship, she finally ratted Jorge out to the police. He too was pressed for various charges, then taken into a rehab facility for his drug use. Gabriella decided she'd had enough of this sick and twisted life. She decided that she'd move to someplace new, someplace that wouldn't remind her of New York City and all of its horrible memories it held. And that is how Gabriella ended up in the small town of Albuquerque. She enrolled herself at East High, no one knew of her past, and they didn't bother to ask, something Gabriella was thankful for. Her first day at East High, she walked in confident, her head held up high, a graceful smile upon her face, she was determined to start over, to start new, to escape. Many heads turned, curious and intrigued by the new comer, she quickly befriended everyone. It only took a few short weeks until she became popular, not just because of her looks, but because she was friendly, and because she was the one everyone turned to when they needed a shoulder to cry on. She became the bearer of secrets, of the students' problems and issues. She never asked for it, but kept to her promise to herself that she would never let anyone feel the loneliness she felt when she had no support system. Gabriella made herself believe that she had a twisted fate, and that she was just destined to always be the rock for others, and to never have someone to lean on for herself. She only wished that she could have a rock to lean on as well, but she learned that you have to be strong in life, she built up her barriers, and they never faltered. They never faltered, that is, until she met _him. _

_Maybe it's a phase  
Maybe I'll break out of it someday  
Maybe this is just my twisted fate  
I always feel like everything is wrong  
And I don't know where I belong_

His name was Troy, and he was the source of her relief, the cause of her happiness. Troy was strong, emotionally, and everyone knew that. He was stunning, physically, and everyone knew that. He was numb and scarred, emotionally and physically, and no one knew that. He was the basketball captain, the leader of the school, the almighty Bolton, everyone wanted to be him, or befriend him. Just like Gabriella, he too felt like he was placed upon a pedestal, admired for his accomplishments, his good-guy attitude, his confidence, his strength. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as perfect as everyone believed? No, not one person ever did, that is until he met _her_.

Troy Bolton had been away on a "family vacation", and upon his return he too had been intrigued by Gabriella, just as the rest of the school was. He found her mysterious, and alluring, yet there was something about her that made her stand out to him, something he just couldn't put a finger on, it was something he saw in her eyes. Her expression held happiness, but her eyes, they held…pain? To say Troy was fascinated would be an understatement. Gabriella too was captivated by Bolton, he carried himself with confidence, but not cockiness, with charisma, and charm, but not man-whorish at all. She learned of his reputation, how he too was the rock of East High.

18 year old Troy held a horrid past as well. Only he couldn't escape to some other place as Gabriella had, and compared to Gabriella, his past really wasn't all that bad. He had family issues, and lots of them, he didn't even know where to start. A family life consisting of fights, affairs, alcohol, it was all too much for him to handle, but he too had been phsyically scarred in the process of his parents' fights, it was an ugly reminder of what he had to deal with. His parents were in counseling now, they had been for months, and things were slowly, very slowly, turning around. He had expectations everyone thought he was supposed to reach and surpass. At times he felt numb to it all, to the pressure, to the standards everyone set, to his family, he had to keep his composure, he had to be the rock for everyone. He only wished he could have someone to lean on as well. He had barriers, just as Gabriella had hers, and they never faltered. The never faltered, that is, until he met _her._

Her name was Gabriella, and she was the source of his relief, the cause of his happiness.

And that is how the story of two lovers began. The story of two people, both emotionally strong, and physically stunning, but both scarred mentally, and physically, unknown to the rest of the world. Life had them destined to be lovers, to be soulmates, and so maybe fate really wasn't all that twisted, and maybe, just maybe, there was a reason their lives were so fucked up.

_Take me for granted  
Make me feel used  
Leave me in pieces  
Misery is company  
Cause I know that it's real  
I've learned to love the pain  
Cause that's the only way that I know how..._

Their friends had introduced them to each other once Troy had returned from his absence. The duo were captivated by each other, everyone could tell. It was almost as if the two were magnetically drawn to each other, as if fireworks shot off when they simply met eye to eye. It was indescribeable, it was magical, it was the answer to their prayers. An electric shock shot through their arms when they first shook hands, their eyes bore into one anothers, almost as if piercing through each others' facades, breaking down those barriers. Only a few hours after meeting, the two became close, they learned more and more about each other every passing minute, how Troy hated cheerleaders and their daft mentality, how Gabriella hated cocky bastards,their persistent nagging and idiotic pick up lines. They learned of each others' small surface details, such as favorite color, food, things like that, nothing too in depth, at least not yet. Each passing day, the two learned something new about one another. Neither one yet willing to break down first about their pasts, but both knew there was something underlying there, it was in the back of their heads, it was behind their barriers, their facades. And each passing day was just one step closer to both of their barriers to come crashing down. Each day chiseled off a piece of their walls. No one at school had ever seen their captain so captivated, so close, so interested in one person as he was with Gabriella. There was a connection between the pair, no one could deny that, even the fangirl cheerleaders were too scared to mess with the bond between the two. Anyone who witnessed the duo would hardly believe they had only met a week ago, they seemed too comfortable with one another to only have met one short week ago. A few more weeks, and they had gotten even closer, finishing each others sentences, it was like they were on the same brain wave, like they could read one anothers' thoughts. But Gabriella still felt like she wasn't quite ready to let her guard down, and little did she know that Troy felt the same. That is until one day, they had both reached their breaking point, maybe it was just a coincidence that it had happened on the same day, or maybe, just maybe it was fate.

Gabriella never thought that she would have to encounter her former life again, and Troy had never thought that his parents would return to their old habits. Fate had a funny way of stomping on your fingers right when you thought you had finally grasped life. Both had received a phone call at lunch, their ringtones going off almost in synch. Gabriella's face had paled, her eyes wide, and Troy's posture had stiffened, his eyes darkened. It was strange, their friends watched on with curious eyes, none of them had the courage to ask what had happened. Both asked to be excused, and rushed out of the cafeteria. They were too caught up to realize that they were both in the same predicament of facing their past, that they had both rushed out of their seats, it wasn't until they had simultaneously reached for the door that they noticed each other. Their eyes met, it was eerie, and somehow, they just knew that they needed each other, and all it only took was one desperate look. He grabbed her hand, she laced their fingers, and together they escaped off to the rooftop garden.

They stared down at their phones silently. Gabriella read hers, 2 missed calls, 2 new voicemails, she knew who they were from too, she had screened the calls on purpose, it was Alex and Jorge. Why had they chosen to call her at the same time, on the same day? It was too weird for her. Troy read his, 1 missed call, 1 new voicemail, he knew who it was, it was his parents' counselor, she would only call if something went wrong, and this time was no exception. He let out a frustrated sigh, ran his hands through his hair, Gabriella watched on, she wasn't ready to break, she wasn't going to be the first to crack. Both of them had this gut feeling, something that was just telling them today was the day that underlying issue would finally be revealed to one another, that today would be the day they would truly feel for once, and it wouldn't be feeling caused by pain. Troy turned to face Gabriella on the bench, taking both her hands in his, their eyes piercing into one anothers' daring the other to move, to feel, to let loose, to finally bring their guards down. Gabriella was the first to speak,

"My ex-boyfriends" Her voice wavering, her eyes tearing up for the first time in 2 years. Troy stared at her, tears fighting his eyes as well, he'd never seen her so vulnerable as she was now, he was sure he looked just like her though, they both knew that everyone leaned on them for support, and now they were at their breaking points.

"My parents' counselor" His sentence trailing off into silence, his eyes urging her to make some sort of signal to let him know she was still there. He sighed, "I have baggage, I have a past..."

Gabriella's trembling voice interrupted him,"So do I," Her eyes looked down at their hands rested between them, then glanced out at the horizon as she continued, "I lived in New York, had two failed relationships, two miserable relationships which ruined my life."

"My parents fight, my mom turns to alcohol, my dad turns to affairs."

This was it, their pasts were being revealed. They sat through the rest of the day, skipping class, and slowly, but surely, let the other know of their lives, their troubles, their issues. The barriers were finally being broken down, their numb bodies finally allowing them to feel again, feel something other than just pain. They cried in each others arms, sobs racking their bodies, they didn't care, they had finally found their rock to lean on, their shoulder to cry on. They were finally dealing with their nauseating history instead of hiding it behind a façade like they had been for years. They learned every little detail about each others' lives, they finally went in depth, they went beyond the small surface things, they went into feelings, emotions, problems. They learned of each others' scars, and how they were obtained, they learned of every aspect of the others' life. They allowed each other to finally feel happiness and joy found within the love held for one another. It was surreal. Fate was finally on their side.

_To feel your arms around my neck  
I'm suffocating with regret  
From all the wasted hours spent  
Believing I was never meant  
To touch the face of something real  
These sewn up scars will never heal  
But I put down a deal  
Cause that's only way that I know how to feel_

Their tears gradually ceased, Troy stared at Gabriella, love shining through his eyes, his thumbs wiping the tears from her face, carressing her cheeks. She stared back, amazement, and adoration spilling through her eyes, her own hands rested around his torso, holding him in a delicate embrace. His hands moved to tilt her tear stained face upwards, to bring her pouted lips to meet his. They kissed slowly, passionately, and with love. They could _feel_ the sparks erupting from within, their lips moving slowly and sensuously against one anothers'. They broke apart when air became necessary, shallow breaths escaping their mouths as they rested their foreheads together, their eyes still closed. It was indescribable, it was magical, it was the answer to their prayers. Not only had they finally found their rock to lean on, but their love, their soulmate, their only way to _feel._ They opened their eyes and looked at one another with an intense stare filled with passion, love, and emotion. Troy was first to break the silence.

"I never thought I'd find someone to lean on, to truly love, until I met you, Gabriella," His eyes shined with truth and compassion, "You're the strongest person I know, and I can't even begin to express how much I love you, even if we've only known each other for a few short weeks."

A small smile graced Gabriella's face as she replied, "I feel the same, I was numb, I couldn't feel anything but pain until I met you, you're my savior Troy, you're the only way that I know how to feel again, I love you wildcat."

"I love you too, and I know we can get through this as long as we have each other."

Their lips joined again in a kiss ignited with passion, a kiss full of _feelings._

_I know how to feel  
You're the only way that I know how to feel_

And that, is how two people with a twsited past finally learned to feel again, not pain, but love, and emotions. They finally found not only a shoulder to cry on, but a lover, a friend, and a soulmate.

**End.**

* * *

AN: uhhhm, okay, so it didn't turn out as great as I had thought it would. I'm sure there are a bunch of mistakes and stuff, I didn't spend that much time on it , but I just felt like writing it. Please review and let me know what you think!! Thanks!


End file.
